Men and women alike are staying single much longer than before. Many enter into relationships that last a few months to maybe a year. Sometime after that year mark, they get an itch to return to single life before entering the next relationship. It’s a vicious cycle.

It may be an issue of personal beliefs concerning marriage, family have changed. As a society, we no longer adhere to the old beliefs that say we must settle down and begin a family soon after high school or college.

Now we know it’s ok to take an extra ten years or more after high school to be selfish and enjoy our youthful, single days. These are the days that we cherish. These are the days that we will look back on with little to no regrets.

When we do finally decide to settle down, after meeting that one special woman or man, we won’t feel an ounce of guilt associated with not having had enough fun in our younger days.

After we decide that settling down with that one special person, many of us have a hard time ditching the traits of single life. One of those being the ability to tell your closest friends EVERYTHING.

It can be difficult for some to get adjusted to being in a serious relationship. When you are just dating, it is not uncommon to talk to your friends – and to ‘kiss and tell.’ This is especially true for women. Whether it is the first date with a new man, the first kiss, the first passionate encounter or the first sexual encounter, women pick up the phone and describe, in detail, every second of the encounter to our best of friends.

All women are guilty!

Once you are in a serious relationship, this is one of those habits that needs to be tucked away with all those memories and habits of single days gone by.

You may wonder why? Why shouldn’t you have a special friend that that you can tell everything to?

Actually, you should. And that person should be your significant other, not your friends. Now that you have decided to be in that serious relationship, it becomes very, very important to keep all matters concerning your relationship between you and your partner.

One reason is very simply respect. Eventually you and your lover will develop the deepest bond. You will share things about yourselves which you assume will be kept confidential. It is not fair if you expect your partner to keep certain things between you two while you turn to your friends. You must respect the privacy of your lover.

Another reason is you will eventually encounter a few quarrels. It is in our common nature to seek out friends and discuss with them our private relationship spats to gain approval from them.

We all want to feel justified that we are in the right, and our partner is the wrong one. Sharing details may make you feel better for a bit, but that could end up being very short lived. First of all, your friends are only hearing one side of the story. Your friends are biased, of course they are going to stand behind you.

What happens then? You may feel the need to let your lover that all of your friends agree with you. Then you can mark yourself BUSTED!

Your partner now knows that you have been sharing your own dirty laundry with others. It is not fair to your partner and it will make matters worse. This will eventually lead to distrust. And everyone knows a lack of trust is an absolute downfall of every relationship in which it enters.

Whatever happens in your relationship should stay between you and your partner.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule – and that’s what you were hoping for, right.

If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, you need to seek help elsewhere and from family and friends.

Or

If you just have a problem that has been digging at you for far too long, sometimes it just makes sense to seek help from friends, as long as you urge them to keep it confidential.

But in a very normal sense of a relationship, your everyday issues should be worked out between you and your love, not you and your entire circle of friends.

If you must share details, only divulge positive information. If your partner brings you flowers, tell the world! If they lover forgot your birthday, there is no need to share the details – all of your friends will think your lover as a jerk, and that’s a tough mess to clean up once the smoke clears.

Have you ever shared private information only to have it end badly? Do you think talking to your friends should be considered a breach in trust?

Earlier today I asked the question on Facebook -

“Do you believe if a person has to ask if their partner is cheating, they already know the answer?”

For the most part, many say trust your intuition, while others say be wary of emotional scarring from relationships gone by.

I have to wonder, where exactly do you draw the line between privacy and secrecy? When it comes to communications with other people, when do those communications cross the threshold into inappropriate?

Let’s say both people agreed to see each other exclusively – Partner A approaches Partner B wishing to discuss feelings of concern based on nothing more than intuition (and maybe a little white lie from long ago). Partner B dances around the topic, ultimately leaving Partner A’s mind and heart in an uneasy state, does that provide justification for the unsettled partner to investigate by whatever means to find the source of these uneasy feelings?

At the moment, I’m finding myself struggling with a lack of trust. Having been in not one, but two marriages that ended as the result of infidelity, I wonder how much of my ‘intuition’ is clouded by a history of misplaced trust? Don’t get me wrong, “A” is a wonderful man and I truly believe he is worthy of 98% of my trust – however, I believe everyone is capable of making a mistake – so the other 2% I dedicate to that chance.

I know, some will say it takes time to heal – but having been single for 8 years between the two marriages, I can say, without pause, time does not heal the wounds left by an unfaithful partner. For me, it’s more a matter of finding a partner who will consider those wounds and avoid reinjuring them, at all cost.

One of the responses I received to my Facebook call was:

If you are feeling a little something…and your partner won’t talk to you when you ask directly, I do not feel it remains a moral issue to ‘snoop’…because you have your sexual health and any ties you have together to consider.

Now, let’s say the uneasy partner does go “snooping” and uncovers nothing of any great concern – how much damage is this going to inject in the heart of this relationship?

Seems to me, the perfect example of the proverbial double-edged sword. No?

Then again, if the “snooping” results in something that causes even greater concern, how do you approach your partner and share with them the fact that you went snooping through their private space?

Sounds like it would be much easier to just cut bait and run doesn’t it? But try telling that to the heart! Last I checked my heart had no ears and heard nothing when it came to sound advice on the topic of love.

Please do sound off – my heart may not be listening at the moment, but when the time comes that it does, I’d like to have some solid advice to latch on to.