For much of my adult life; I’ve been a love her, hate her fan of Dr. Laura. My love for her began the first time I read Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. I read this book following my divorce from my kids dad. I learned a few things, but relapsed into the unhealthier mode of relationships that women find themselves in these days.

Later, I read Ten Stupid Things Couples Do to Mess Up Their Relationships in hopes of being the best I could be in a relationship while motivating my significant other to be their best.

Each book delivered valuable lessons that can be introduced into real life. Whether you agree with Dr. Laura or only on some things, these books are worth reading.

The thing I disagree with Dr. Laura on is her advice to single mothers. She’s made it clear she doesn’t think single mother’s should date until their kids are at least 18-years-old.

I couldn’t disagree more.

If a mother makes the conscious decision not to date while raising her kids, I think she’s missing the boat on teaching her kids how to date, how to choose the right partner, and what loving relationships are like.

As a child of divorce, and as a mother who has been single, I see the value in the lessons these life situations present. Kids are a product of their environments. Kids will grow and act on the learned behaviors they were exposed to growing up.

People can teach better lessons with their lives than with their lips. Don’t miss the opportunity to teach and to lead by example.

• Expose your children to happy, healthy, loving relationships
• Expose your kids to being a person who commands respect
• Expose your kids to the joys of romance
• Expose your kids to taking a stand against being mistreated

There are so many examples I could add, but I think you get my point.

To suggest single parent’s refrain from dating or pursuing new relationships because the children didn’t ask to be children of divorce is unrealistic.

Should a single parent refrain from dating until their kids are grown? Or what lessons do you think kids could learn from their parents?

Single mothers are generally very cautious when it comes to dating, they do not normally date just anyone. Single mothers usually want to get to know the person before introducing them to their children.

If a couple dates for a while and the relationship starts to become more serious, the children should be introduced into the picture. The new partner needs to understand that there will be sacrifices in the relationship due to the demands that go with having children. A new partner needs to be realistic do not pretend children will not have an effect on the relationship. While you are dating, children will limit the time you can spend together. There will be certain times the relationship will be placed on hold because of their illness or certain activities.

Children will play a major role in your relationship, if you want to become a part of this family you have to win their acceptance as well as their confidence. Children are not easily fooled they will know right away if you are going to be a compatible addition to their family.

There are ways of showing children that you are not a threat to them, you can start by telling them that you are not trying to take their fathers place and you will never hurt them or their mother. Make dates including the children take them to a park a zoo or movie let them know you want them to be happy with you becoming a part of their family.

Learn the children’s habits, likes and dislikes and certain behavior problems so that you will be ready for any discussion concerning these points with your new partner.

You should also be mindful and show appropriate behavior in front of the children, for example be careful about displaying physical affection for your partner when a child is around. Do not do anything in front of the children that would embarrass either of you.

Short and sweet – if you introduce him to the kids after you’ve decided he’s the one, it’s to late.

At least that’s my opinion!

Having been a single mom most of my kids lives, I’ve had many people share their opinions and views on when to introduce guys to my kids. Most people believe you need to date for a while and determine if this person is long term material before making the introductions. I disagree!

Here’s why –

First of all, your kids are just as important in the decision making as you are – in fact, their views may be a little less biased than your own. They may recognize flaws or characteristics in the guy you may not see because you have such high hopes of hanging up your single and dating hat.

Secondly, if the guy and your kids don’t click, it might not be worth the heartache of getting involved – or at least you’ll be aware of the potential red flags going in so you can tread more carefully.

I’ve dated guys in the past that I introduce to my kids near the third date. We chose someplace public and fun so they could interact casually but still enough for me to determine whether or not I wanted to invest time and heart into growing the relationship.

What do you think? When do you think the kids should meet your potential love interest and what argument do you bring to support your belief?