Men and women alike are staying single much longer than before. Many enter into relationships that last a few months to maybe a year. Sometime after that year mark, they get an itch to return to single life before entering the next relationship. It’s a vicious cycle.

It may be an issue of personal beliefs concerning marriage, family have changed. As a society, we no longer adhere to the old beliefs that say we must settle down and begin a family soon after high school or college.

Now we know it’s ok to take an extra ten years or more after high school to be selfish and enjoy our youthful, single days. These are the days that we cherish. These are the days that we will look back on with little to no regrets.

When we do finally decide to settle down, after meeting that one special woman or man, we won’t feel an ounce of guilt associated with not having had enough fun in our younger days.

After we decide that settling down with that one special person, many of us have a hard time ditching the traits of single life. One of those being the ability to tell your closest friends EVERYTHING.

It can be difficult for some to get adjusted to being in a serious relationship. When you are just dating, it is not uncommon to talk to your friends – and to ‘kiss and tell.’ This is especially true for women. Whether it is the first date with a new man, the first kiss, the first passionate encounter or the first sexual encounter, women pick up the phone and describe, in detail, every second of the encounter to our best of friends.

All women are guilty!

Once you are in a serious relationship, this is one of those habits that needs to be tucked away with all those memories and habits of single days gone by.

You may wonder why? Why shouldn’t you have a special friend that that you can tell everything to?

Actually, you should. And that person should be your significant other, not your friends. Now that you have decided to be in that serious relationship, it becomes very, very important to keep all matters concerning your relationship between you and your partner.

One reason is very simply respect. Eventually you and your lover will develop the deepest bond. You will share things about yourselves which you assume will be kept confidential. It is not fair if you expect your partner to keep certain things between you two while you turn to your friends. You must respect the privacy of your lover.

Another reason is you will eventually encounter a few quarrels. It is in our common nature to seek out friends and discuss with them our private relationship spats to gain approval from them.

We all want to feel justified that we are in the right, and our partner is the wrong one. Sharing details may make you feel better for a bit, but that could end up being very short lived. First of all, your friends are only hearing one side of the story. Your friends are biased, of course they are going to stand behind you.

What happens then? You may feel the need to let your lover that all of your friends agree with you. Then you can mark yourself BUSTED!

Your partner now knows that you have been sharing your own dirty laundry with others. It is not fair to your partner and it will make matters worse. This will eventually lead to distrust. And everyone knows a lack of trust is an absolute downfall of every relationship in which it enters.

Whatever happens in your relationship should stay between you and your partner.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule – and that’s what you were hoping for, right.

If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, you need to seek help elsewhere and from family and friends.

Or

If you just have a problem that has been digging at you for far too long, sometimes it just makes sense to seek help from friends, as long as you urge them to keep it confidential.

But in a very normal sense of a relationship, your everyday issues should be worked out between you and your love, not you and your entire circle of friends.

If you must share details, only divulge positive information. If your partner brings you flowers, tell the world! If they lover forgot your birthday, there is no need to share the details – all of your friends will think your lover as a jerk, and that’s a tough mess to clean up once the smoke clears.

Have you ever shared private information only to have it end badly? Do you think talking to your friends should be considered a breach in trust?

It’s no big secret that I have been married twice, divorced twice and cheated on twice. Seems I have a real knack for attracting men with a cheating heart.

People often dish up the age old advice of not carrying old emotional baggage into a new relationship, but when you’ve been cheated on, how can you truly trust again?

I remember the days of opening up the bank statement and finding the cheapest, sleaziest local motel had charged our account on a Saturday night when I knew full good and well the father of my kids was not home.

I remember the day that an overwhelming feeling of deception poured over me when I checked my second husbands email to find that he’d been engaging in not one, but several, married and looking casual encounters dating sites and had even arranged a meet with one woman.

I’m sad to say, that lack of trust has poured over into my new relationship and while there are many times I trust him more than life itself, there have been a few episodes that lead me to wonder if I’ve attracted yet, another cheating heart.

Technology can be a terrible thing. It can build your suspicions in a way that eats at you like a cancer.

I make it a habit to check the history on my computers for possible hacking as well as monitoring the two teenage boys I have in the house. There has been a few occasions that I have found searches, traces of email contact (without content) and peeking at personal ads (without a membership) that obviously belonged to my boyfriend and not my kids. To date I have encountered a handful of questionable episodes for which he has a believable excuse.

It’s my belief that people, whether man or woman, are easily tempted. People make mistakes. By engaging in certain acts, it can sometimes place a person in the position of temptation they may not be strong enough to reject. It’s that lack of willpower that I concern myself with most.

I believe there is a big difference between secrecy and privacy.

Privacy is something that is mine – something I am interested in, no one else in the house might be – I share my thoughts and engage in friendly exchanges but keep a very defined line drawn on what is appropriate behavior. Basically I don’t do or say anything I would not want my man doing.

Secrecy is something that is destructive. Secrets are painful to keep, painful to share and pose a real threat to a relationship. If a person is engaging in an act and their partner were to find out about it, that’s wrong.

There can be nothing stronger nor weaker than the human will and when you commit to a relationship with another person, you should have mastered strong will.

I have to wonder though – how much privacy is good in a relationship?

Would you offer up your email passwords to your partner or is that something kept private?