Rejection can be a painful event for many people. While some rejections may be irrational, the person ending the relationship usually has a reason that they don’t to be with someone anymore. It’s essential to learn from every relationship — this is the only way it’s possible to grow as a person.

The end of a relationship is a time for inner reflection. It’s important to take a survey of one’s life and see what steps need to be taken. Some people may feel that they are the victim during a rejection. It’s important to realize that a relationship is based off the actions of two people. While it’s impossible to change the actions and behaviors of the other person, there are often significant changes that one can make in their own life.

It’s important to provide time for oneself when a relationship ends. Since being single gives one a sense of freedom, it’s often possible to pursue activities and hobbies that weren’t possible when one was in a relationship. This could include an extreme sport like skydiving, to watching a TV show that few other people enjoy. It’s important to give oneself time to recover emotionally after any bad relationship.

It’s also a good idea to take a personal inventory after any type of rejection. A personal inventory can be extremely challenging for many people. Most people live in a sense of denial their entire lives. This inventory can include a self-assessment of one’s personality, finances, hobbies, and attractiveness. These are all areas it’s important to work on in order to make the next relationship work.

There is no such thing as ugly. Many people who think they are ugly simply have poor self esteem. While no one is born ugly, it’s possible to become ugly through a poor lifestyle. Obesity, smoking, alcoholism, and poor health are all self-induced diseases. They can turn a beautiful face into an ugly mug in only a few years. It’s important to stay in shape, eat healthy, and avoid negativity.

It’s also important to look at one’s personality to see if it was the reason for rejection. Many people aren’t attracted to people they consider needy, controlling, angry, or hateful. These are all personality traits it’s possible to improve. A therapist or mental health professional may be able to help one make the changes one needs in their lives.

The end of a relationship or a rejection can be a valuable time for learning about oneself, one’s community, and the lives of those in it.

Photo courtesy of squelchey

Article provided by Gay Parship serious online matchmaking for gay men and women.

I was reading an article about the Apprentice and some of the rules that Donald Trump and his apprentice assistants had come up with regards to business. While reading through them I saw how these very rules could apply to dating as crazy as it might sound.

Donald Trump is a famous Billionaire who has endured ups and downs for a number of decades. It appears a large portion of his wealth has been made in Real Estate. Now he has a popular reality series NBC, The Apprentice. The Reality Show isn’t all frivolous as a lot of the other reality shows around. At the center of every episode are real gems on how to climb a corporate ladder, how to lead, how to stand out from the crowd and even how to fail and avoid getting the boot.

The Apprentice centers on a competition for a job working for the Billionaire Donald Trump. Every episode features some sort of business task or some sort of competition. At the end of each episode some of the competitors are fired which means they leave the show and miss out on the opportunity to work for My Trump. This takes place in the Boardroom where members are encouraged to evaluate their teammates performance, abilities, work ethics. The guy who makes the biggest errors tends to be the one “fired”. Beyond winning the competition, each individual team member must act in a manner that earns him or her respect as a project manager or team member.

Some of the gems of the show for thought.

1. Think Like A Winner

Donald Trump’s most profound comment (and first commandment) is, "Winning is everything." He explained that while there is no better feeling… the ability to think like a winner is the key to being one. Those who take their eyes off the prize wind up hearing two little words: you’re fired.

This relates to dating as somebody who feels confident. A person who feels he has already won a battle has a huge edge over somebody who feels he has a lot of obstacles to overcome. A person who feels he is a winner is a winner as your beliefs are what shape you. The person you wish to win over will be heavily more attracted to somebody who believes in themselves than somebody who doesn’t.

2. Polish Your Interview Skills

The importance of exceptional interview skills became crucial as the field narrowed to the final four contestants in episode 14. Kelly, Jennifer M, Kevin and Stacy underwent a grueling series of job interviews with four of the top business leaders in the world. The two candidates left standing after this process — Kelly and Jennifer M — demonstrated superior ability to think on their feet. Some of the spontaneous answers lobbed by Kevin and Sandy, made viewers cringe. It quickly became clear who had the ‘right stuff’ to survive the hot seat.

This second rule can be applied to having good communication skills. Somebody who can think of their feet and express their thoughts easily can communicate their feelings much more easily. Somebody who is also good at interviews will know what to say that can open somebody up to a whole new level. They will allow a great sense of rapport to be built quickly and be very deep.

3. Lead Strong or Play Along

Getting their team of ‘alphas’ to follow without question was a challenge for each project manager. Some ruled with an iron fist, others used manipulation and guilt. Some didn’t handle it at all. In episode 11, Wes took the lead in a task to create an ad campaign for Levi’s Jeans. Maria, one of his teammates, thought she had this task together and angrily told Wes to back off, while she seized control. Maria was so busy throwing her weight around, she missed the primary focus of jeans advertising… the ‘butt shots’. This single oversight cost the team dearly. Later, in The Boardroom, Wes was fired for failing to control Maria,,, and she was fired for posing as a know-it-all. Two for the price of one turned out to be all in a day’s work for Mr. Donald Trump.

On this and dating. One of the things we teach our students in workshops is to lead and never hesitate. When a student sees strong indications of interest it is his responsibility to act on them and follow up. If a student fails to lead than the interest level will soon drop to a very low level quickly. Learning to Play along can also be taken as a way to see the signals and be aware of them. When somebody is showing interest it’s best to play along and let them be interested than giving them something else.

4. Step Up; Take Responsibility

Finger-pointing was rampant among teams on the Apprentice. If you were really slick about it, laying blame off on one of your teammates could help you survive another day. If you weren’t… oh well.

This is a common thing I see with some students when I hear about what they have done before working with Fidentia in a workshop. They fail to take responsibility for their own actions. This is done in so many ways its crazy. First if they have a bad date they blame the date a lot, where they went, what they did, others around –yet they never look at themselves and wonder if they could have done anything different to improve the situation. The only way to learn from mistakes is to first realize you made a mistake in the first place.

Another example is guys who use different systems for dating. There are many programs out there. I can make ALL of them work. When a student can not make something work. They tend to first want to blame the system instead of themselves. So they are on a constant search of dating systems never realizing that each system has had some students have success. They can not learn if they do not take responsibility for their own actions.

5. Resist the Impulse to Be Impulsive

The game provides that the winning project manager receive an exemption from firing should his or her team lose the following week — an Apprentice "Get Out of Jail Free" card.

Bradford won week one… but lost in week two. He had clearly been the hardest working and most productive on his team and Mr. Trump seemed to especially favor him. Moreover, he had the exemption and could not be fired. All he had to do was sit back and make insightful comments about his teammates.

But Bradford let his cockiness get in the way of sound business judgment. He bragged to Mr. Trump that he was so confident of his performance he was willing to give up his exemption.

Trump accepted Bradford’s offer… and then fired him, for making an unwise and impulsive decision. It was a harsh, but instructive consequence for acting in a rash manner.

One of the things I can think of with this is somebody who is too impulsive is not paying attention to others. A relationship is a two way street involving both parties. When somebody is being impulsive and the other person isn’t respective than this creates a dead end.

6. Instill Confidence in Your Team

Both of the final two contestants, Kelly and Jennifer M, demonstrated how to respect and inspire their co-workers. Choosing people you trust and with whom you have mutual respect goes a long way toward success.

In the final episode, eight of the previously fired teammates were brought back to become the support team for the final task. Jennifer and Kelly were allowed to take turns choosing their team members. Kelly took a stronger role with his team, expecting more of each of them, while Jennifer delegated the heavy lifting to herself.

In the end, both sets of teams did a great job for their PMs, but Kelly’s team proved more loyal and spoke more highly of his leadership abilities. Their confidence in him had an impact on the final outcome.

This can be taken in installing confidence in who you are attracted to. When you are interested in them and extremely confident. Others will feel your true feelings. When they can feel your feelings they will mirror them. Who wants to be around somebody who takes away their confidence?

7. Watch What You Say

Both talking too much and saying the wrong thing can hurt you in business. Jennifer C was an example of both errors and their consequences. Every time she appeared in The Boardroom, Jennifer was admonished by both Mr. Trump and his property manager, Carolyn, for talking when she should have been listening to others.

Later, after making a demeaning comment about two women customers in an episode, she was booted from the show. To add injury to her insult, when the show finally aired, she was also fired from her real world job for that comment.

This applies to dating with the idea of listening is just as important as talking. Telling somebody they are pretty when they are trying to make a point and have something important to say is not what they want to hear. The same would go for things such a negative hits or being cocky and funny which are terms used in the seduction community.

A negative hit is a slight insult which is supposed to be insulting but not seem like you meant it. I do not usually endorse this. It is to try to convey you are not really interested in your target person to let their guard down.

Somebody who is being very cocky and funny can do so at the wrong time too. When a person is showing signs of interest they are asking for rapport. Giving them answers that are cocky and funny will actually break rapport and chase a lot of people away.

8. Know When to Listen

During another visit to The Boardroom, Trump chastised (National Debate Champion) Andy for not standing up and arguing in his own behalf. Andy shot back to Mr. Trump that part of being a debate champ is in knowing when to talk and when to listen.

A short and sweet argument that paid off.

I think this and how it applies to dating and seduction is very obvious. Listening is a key part of communication.

9. Keep it Strictly Business

Viewers were told — over and over — that The Apprentice contestants were culled from over a million applicants and were said to be the best of the very best. This being so, one wouldn’t expect the male participants to lose their composure when attractive women crossed their paths, mid-task. And yet, there was Raj. In addition to an unending stream of inappropriate comments, Raj stopped just short of a butt wiggle and a "woooo, whooo " whenever a beautiful woman was within ten feet.

And while this behavior did not directly lead to his being fired, it did (often) cause him to lose focus and take his eye off the prize. In fact, Raj was ultimately fired for letting an important detail slide — making sure the toilet was installed in a home he was charged with remodeling.

This is a little bit more difficult to summarize for dating. Somebody who lacks focus tends to lack drive. When you really have a goal in mind going after 20 different things usually gets somebody nowhere.

10. Avoid Showing Your A**

This one should be a no-brainer, but since it actually happened, maybe not. Fairly late in the game, in episode 13, Ivana was desperate for a win. Clutching at straws, she offered to pull down her skirt and flash her underwear to a strange businessman on the street if he would pay her twenty dollars for a candy bar worth one dollar. He did… and then she did… So, it was no surprise that Ivana wound up in The Boardroom, having to explain this gaff to Mr. Trump. She claimed her action as a ‘gimmick.’ But this taught us another valuable lesson — know when you have done something inappropriate and face it head on. When she refused to acknowledge that she crossed a line, the shock, dismay and controversy surrounding her behavior was palpable.

Well this is true but there is a time to show you’re a** and a time not to show your assets. When you first meet somebody common sense says don’t take off your pants as the first things you do when introducing yourself.

To summarize all of this a lot of the rules that help somebody get ahead in business can also help them get ahead dating others. Take a look at the website. To learn more about “The Apprentice” go to http://www.NBC.com

Men and women alike are staying single much longer than before. Many enter into relationships that last a few months to maybe a year. Sometime after that year mark, they get an itch to return to single life before entering the next relationship. It’s a vicious cycle.

It may be an issue of personal beliefs concerning marriage, family have changed. As a society, we no longer adhere to the old beliefs that say we must settle down and begin a family soon after high school or college.

Now we know it’s ok to take an extra ten years or more after high school to be selfish and enjoy our youthful, single days. These are the days that we cherish. These are the days that we will look back on with little to no regrets.

When we do finally decide to settle down, after meeting that one special woman or man, we won’t feel an ounce of guilt associated with not having had enough fun in our younger days.

After we decide that settling down with that one special person, many of us have a hard time ditching the traits of single life. One of those being the ability to tell your closest friends EVERYTHING.

It can be difficult for some to get adjusted to being in a serious relationship. When you are just dating, it is not uncommon to talk to your friends – and to ‘kiss and tell.’ This is especially true for women. Whether it is the first date with a new man, the first kiss, the first passionate encounter or the first sexual encounter, women pick up the phone and describe, in detail, every second of the encounter to our best of friends.

All women are guilty!

Once you are in a serious relationship, this is one of those habits that needs to be tucked away with all those memories and habits of single days gone by.

You may wonder why? Why shouldn’t you have a special friend that that you can tell everything to?

Actually, you should. And that person should be your significant other, not your friends. Now that you have decided to be in that serious relationship, it becomes very, very important to keep all matters concerning your relationship between you and your partner.

One reason is very simply respect. Eventually you and your lover will develop the deepest bond. You will share things about yourselves which you assume will be kept confidential. It is not fair if you expect your partner to keep certain things between you two while you turn to your friends. You must respect the privacy of your lover.

Another reason is you will eventually encounter a few quarrels. It is in our common nature to seek out friends and discuss with them our private relationship spats to gain approval from them.

We all want to feel justified that we are in the right, and our partner is the wrong one. Sharing details may make you feel better for a bit, but that could end up being very short lived. First of all, your friends are only hearing one side of the story. Your friends are biased, of course they are going to stand behind you.

What happens then? You may feel the need to let your lover that all of your friends agree with you. Then you can mark yourself BUSTED!

Your partner now knows that you have been sharing your own dirty laundry with others. It is not fair to your partner and it will make matters worse. This will eventually lead to distrust. And everyone knows a lack of trust is an absolute downfall of every relationship in which it enters.

Whatever happens in your relationship should stay between you and your partner.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule – and that’s what you were hoping for, right.

If you are in an emotionally or physically abusive relationship, you need to seek help elsewhere and from family and friends.

Or

If you just have a problem that has been digging at you for far too long, sometimes it just makes sense to seek help from friends, as long as you urge them to keep it confidential.

But in a very normal sense of a relationship, your everyday issues should be worked out between you and your love, not you and your entire circle of friends.

If you must share details, only divulge positive information. If your partner brings you flowers, tell the world! If they lover forgot your birthday, there is no need to share the details – all of your friends will think your lover as a jerk, and that’s a tough mess to clean up once the smoke clears.

Have you ever shared private information only to have it end badly? Do you think talking to your friends should be considered a breach in trust?

Dear Coco,

What is wrong with single men? I want a relationship that leads to marriage and kids, and at 34 I can’t afford to waste my time. Am I just really unlucky or do men stop their mental development after they get out of high school? They often want sex without a relationship (something I never do), or they are too busy with their careers. What do I have to do to be taken seriously? I haven’t dated a guy longer than a month in over three years. Is it possible in this day and age to find a man who wants to get serious?

End of my Rope

Dear Rope,

Take a few deep breaths. Your anxieties are turning you into the dating equivalent of a circus freak; it’s no wonder the men run screaming. If you want them to stick around you need to lighten up in a major way. Quit husband-hunting!

That’s right—all thoughts of wedding receptions and seating charts and monogrammed napkins are heretofore forbidden. Ditch the rules and make a decision to date for fun only. Do not think of trying to turn the men you date into husband—or even boyfriend-material; simply focus on whether you enjoy their company on that particular night. Date as many of them as you can at once, but if they ask if you want to go steady, shake your head wistfully and say, "You know, it’s not a good time for me…" You will seem fun and cool and perhaps slightly tragic, as though nursing some mysterious and impenetrable wound. Guys will desire you all the more, and one of them will fall in love with your freaky, circus-lady self.

Reprinted with permission via Match.com

From a Date1411 Reader asking for the advice of others:

I’ve been dating a man for just over a year and in the last few weeks I’ve had a horrible gut feeling that something just isn’t right. Following my instinct, I checked his cell phone while he was in the shower. Sure enough there was something to be concerned about.

What I found was an exchange of messages between he and another woman. It was obvious something more than friendship was going on.

My problem is that If I reveal to him that I know, I also reveal that I’ve been snooping. That’s not such a good thing. I know I shouldn’t feel guilty for snooping, but I do.

I need some advice on how to approach this problem or even if I should. Sometimes I feel like I should just tell him I don’t trust him and when there’s a lack of trust, there’s nothing worth having.

Help!

Guilty Snooper

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