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Are Cheap Dates A Problem?

Alessia — Fri, 11 Dec 2009 09:17:40 +0000

A lot of us are talking about dating in this economy, including Melissa Braverman who was interviewed for an AP article on the economy & dating. I found this part on being too cheap regarding dates to be very interesting:

Melissa Braverman, who blogs about dating, said she knows someone who was asked out on a walking date and considered it a turnoff. And in the last six months, she’s noticed that men don’t suggest meals. When they meet for drinks, they limit it to one hour. She believes it’s so she won’t order a second drink.

“The recession is almost becoming an excuse,” said Braverman, 35, of New York. “Men don’t want to take the initiative, suggesting something fun that is inexpensive. It’s more, well, ‘I can’t afford to take you out for a meal, let’s keep it brief.’ Unfortunately, a lot of times chemistry needs time to develop.”

I agree that chemistry takes time to develop, that you need time to get to know one another (that’s why I’ve given cheap ways to meet potential mates and listed cheap date ideas), but are men (and women too) weaseling out and being cheap as opposed to being practical or thrifty in these economic times? If so, they are selling themselves and possible relationships short.

About Those Notches On Your Bedposts…

Alessia — Fri, 04 Dec 2009 00:34:03 +0000

The September/October issue of Psychology Today is chock-full of incredible information on relationships. On page 45, an article by Jay Dixit examines how men & women remember and count their sexual partners.

Conventional wisdom tells us that men inflate their numbers, while women demur their digits — and according to this article, that’s true. But why? Are we both lying to look better, with men trying to project their stud status and women trying to protect their reputations — or their lovers’ feelings?

Norman Brown, a psychologist at the University of Alberta (who finds that American men report an an average of 18 while women report an average of just 5), says it’s not simply a matter of lying. “It has to do with self-presentation, estimation, and memory.”

Women are more likely to “just know,” or to have a tally somewhere, a method psychologists call “notches on the bedpost.” Women are also more likely to use enumeration (“Let’s see, Dave, Tarik, that guy from the gym…”), which produces underestimates, since people forget instances.

Men are more likely to use rough approximation (“Jeeze, I don’t know, like maybe 50?”) or rate-based estimates (“Let’s see, one a month for the past five years…”) — a method that produces overestimates.

But the gender discrepancy isn’t just a matter of poor counting either; the survey method itself matters.

Extremely sexually active women downgrade phone estimates compared to onine. (Men don’t.)

While the article doesn’t expound, I’m guessing vulnerability and anonymity are key here.

Another factor is undersampling prostitutes, who don’t get included in surveys due to “lifestyle issues” — they’re not in the phone book and they aren’t often home during dinner hours.

This is especially important, in my mind, because male clients are included in the surveys — and surely such professional interactions inflate their numbers. (Enlarge scan below to see evidence of this in male celebrities’ self-proclaimed numbers — which, by the way, does not include female celebrities. Arg!)

Surprisingly, men base their sexual partner count on the overheard comments of others — lowering their count to match conservative opinions, raising their count to match permissive sentiments. Women who overhear such conversations are unaffected.

I cannot but help to wonder if it this sheep mentality on the behalf of males which dictates a knee-jerk response to the “moral majority” — men clearly are more insecure and willing to submit to conservative cultural conformity (in word, in preaching; not in deed), and this must drive much of our current politics and societal conversation (including the control of women who aren’t affected by such espoused norms).

The article ends with more familiar territory; in which men are more likely to inflate their numbers when the researcher is female, even though the research shows that the more sex partners a man has had, the less attractive he seems.

Wouldn’t it just be simpler if men just resisted the urge to do or say anything to get laid? It doesn’t work anyway.

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Quick Relationship Quiz: Optimist Or Pessimist?

Alessia — Wed, 02 Dec 2009 22:41:20 +0000

When it comes to relationships, are you an optimist or a pessimist? Do you see this couple coming together or moving apart? Your answer may be a clue to your own attitudes about relationships and dating.

Photo via sarcastickiss at Flickr.

Singles Choose Love Over Money

Gayla — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 11:32:51 +0000

With the U.S. being in the height of a recession – True.com took advantage of the opportunity to tap into the minds of singles on this very topic. TRUE.com, the leading scientifically based online relationship service, shows that singles choose love over money even in tough economic times.

Some of the results from 2,286 respondents:

95 percent of men and 87 percent of women agree that it does not matter if you make more money than the person you are dating;
49 percent of men and 36 percent of women stated they would not curb their dating spending in a tight economy;
87 percent of men and 80 percent of women responded they would stay in a relationship where their partner had substantial credit card debt or had filed for bankruptcy;
67 percent of women and 66 percent of men claim they have never kept financial secrets from someone they are dating;
64 percent of men and 63 percent of women don’t tend to argue with their partner about money.

I believe this is all fine and good, however, finances tend to be one of the most difficult sects of marriage. Perhaps if couples who are dating would talk about finances more there would be less friction in marriages.

When you take financial baggage into a marriage, it eventually becomes a problem. As much as we might try to prevent it, it just happens.

How to Deal With Unrequited Love

Gayla — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 11:00:00 +0000

Have you ever been in love with someone who just does not love you? Have you pierced yourself to death, trying to figure out just what you could do, how you could change, what you might say that would make that person fall in love with you?

Being in love with someone who doesn’t love you can be a miserable experience. It can lead to self doubt, low self esteem, depression, anxiety and emotional baggage that can impact your future relationships.

eHow has a 12 point list on how to deal with unrequited love. The only problem I see with this list is when a person is already in love with someone who doesn’t love them back – it’s tough to redirect the heart and break free from the love that’s already out of control.

When Should Singles Settle Down?

Gayla — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 11:01:00 +0000

When I was growing up, it seemed like the perfect age for people to settle down was 25. The older I got, the more that age and opinion changed. While my opinion has changed, I still believe there is a magic number that people should shoot for as far as striving to achieve a certain level of maturity. Maybe not so much to settle down, get married and have children – but to reach a level of maturity where they can take full responsibility for their own lives.

There are several people I know who are 30 plus years old, can’t balance a checkbook – can’t figure out why they are always overdrawn, have credit collectors calling day and night and are living paycheck to paycheck.

What do you think? Is there a magic age by which people should be “ready” to settle down if the opportunity arises?

Singles Choose Love Over Money

Not One of the Guys – Be Gentle

Gayla — Thu, 25 Jun 2009 13:07:57 +0000

Here’s an interesting question for you Date1411 readers –

You’re going out with a guy that you have a strong physical attraction to and you’d like to continue with the relationship. The big problem he doesn’t know his strength and some things like grabbing the leg can actually hurt.

Whether it’s a smack on the butt, a pat on the back, a lame attempt at tickling, he’s just too heavy in his actions.

Do you tell him and try to teach the old dog new tricks or do you just break it off for fear that this pain might escalate into something entirely different?

Seriously, if he’s that heavy when playing, what would be like when he’s angry?

Thoughts?

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Sex not on the brain, but in the nose

Gayla — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:00:59 +0000

The enormous difference between male and female sexual behavior may be explained, in animals at least, by a tiny organ in the nose rather than by any gender difference in brain circuitry.

So I guess this should prove that if a guy smells like he’s full of crapola, he’s not even close to gonna get lucky!

source

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The Roving-Eye Guy

Gayla — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 12:23:58 +0000

I’ve always known that all men have an eye for an attractive women, but when the guy ogles darned near every women he passes and makes his significant other feel inferior to some degree – there’s a problem.

There’s a huge difference between casually admiring beauty and rubbernecking to the point of disrespect.

What men fail to realize, and ladies correct me if I’m wrong, is that when a man has a roving-eye for women it makes us women feel as though we are continuously competing for our partner’s attention. And while the most confident of women can handle a little competition and humorous exchanges surrounding the ogling, it does get old – and quick.

I know men will be men and they are visual creatures – but even I like to have my man treat me as though I’m the only woman in the world.

Men should really learn how to observe respectfully and keep their mouth shut if they wish to hang on to a woman.

If the woman said she wants a man who is honest – she didn’t mean to this degree! Seriously!

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