My mother and I have been having a discussion lately on clingy, needy men and my constant effort to make sure my boys don’t grow up to be that way. Even if it means teaching them to fake not being clingy until it becomes habit.

When I was a single parent on the dating scene, there were few things that would turn me off SO bad that I’d bail on the possibility of relationship and never look back – in fact there were many times I’d run, not walk toward the exit.

One friend would jokingly call me the “Queen of first dates” – I knew she meant it in a fun way, but at times it would really set me wondering if there might be something wrong with me – seriously wrong.

I was a complete commitaphobe and learned early on I have this enormous need to be left alone – a lot!

In fact, I’ve often joked with my husband by saying “how can I miss you if you don’t go away?”

I have a relative who can’t figure out why they can’t have a lasting relationship or why they’ve never been able to find someone to settle down with. Care to guess why?

Well, I’ve tried to tell them time and again – but they just don’t seem to listen. So, the relatives example makes it easy for me to point out to my kids, just what needy, clingy and smothering behavior is like.

A few months back I had one son that seemed to be falling into that category – a girl had broken up with him – he began sending her text messages wanting to know what he did that was so wrong, what could he do to win her back, what could he do to change — you get the point…

I wanted to SCREAM! And did actually.

What I did was have him stop texting immediate. Detox for a couple of days and when she began to text him again, I coached him through what to say. He followed my lead and was able to get over that girl and is now fighting the girls off with a stick.

All the girls are crazy over him because he learned confidence, he learned to not be clingy and needy and to make the girls miss him when he’s not around.

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There’s a huge difference between casually admiring beauty and rubbernecking to the point of disrespect.

What men fail to realize, and ladies correct me if I’m wrong, is that when a man has a roving-eye for women it makes us women feel as though we are continuously competing for our partner’s attention. And while the most confident of women can handle a little competition and humorous exchanges surrounding the ogling, it does get old – and quick.

I know men will be men and they are visual creatures – but even I like to have my man treat me as though I’m the only woman in the world.

Men should really learn how to observe respectfully and keep their mouth shut if they wish to hang on to a woman.

If the woman said she wants a man who is honest – she didn’t mean to this degree! Seriously!

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As you probably already know, men are generally more visual.   They often don’t understand non-verbal communication as well as women. Men often lack what women have in emotional awareness and “intuition”.  Women don’t seem to remember this about men.  So do men feel sexually attracted to women based just on looks? Or is something else going on?  Well, after studying this topic for years now, and talking to thousands of men and women, Christian claims that men have their “attraction mechanisms” triggered by things OTHER than looks.  Especially when it comes to longer term relationships.  Looks just happen to be the most obvious way…

Perhaps it’s the assumed ability of summing up a man’s character that get’s so many women in trouble.

In fact, my cousin and I were just discussing this very thing a couple of days ago.  There are times when our minds, as women, just never seem to stop working!  We ALWAYS have something going on inside our heads.  And so when our husbands seem to be zoned out in thought, naturally we ask them what they are thinking.

It’s very difficult for us to accept “nothing” as an answer, but in reality, they really are thinking about NOTHING!

I still say that if any woman or group of women out there can crack this particular secret in men, they will be set for generations to come.

As for me, I’ll just resolve to the fact that I just don’t “get” men and likely never will.

I’d rather be shopping!

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