There are some timid, shy people who have difficulties making conversation with new singles, they typically need additional time to adjust to the situation. An uncomplicated convenient answer for them might be to go out on a first date to the movies hence to get used to the presence of the new date, without the obligation to talk. When you come out, you might talk about the movie you just watched.

An additional notion, if you’re shy about making conversation, is to ask your date about themselves. It’ll serve to show that you’re interested in learning about them, as well as remove part of the pressure of talking, off you, until you’re more comfortable. By making them do the talking you may feel less stressed and eventually you will relax enough to talk about yourself.

Last point, take into account that most people love to talk about their life, actually, what they would like most is someone that would listen to them attentively, so, if you are a good listener you will find people feel comfortable with you.

Remember, you should do everything you can to put your shyness behind you, otherwise it will put you behind…

It’s a fact of life guys! Some guys will never become great with women.

"What?!"

You might think I’ve lost my mind, but it’s true.

A lot of guys just won’t and don’t get it.

And it’s not because they’re not smart enough or somehow defective… though there are plenty of women who would argue that point with me.

In fact, get this, it’s a subconscious choice! That’s right, a choice they have made unknowingly.

I know what you’re thinking.

"How can I make sure I’m not one of those guys?"

Well I’m here to tell you how. You will probably never hear what I’m about to say from other relationship professionals because it’s such a subtle, but very powerful fix, that most leave it out of the equation.

Meet Dave.  Dave is a good guy. Dave likes to be social and has taken a bootcamp with one of the pickup companies. But Dave still doesn’t get the success he really wants; in fact he’s not successful at all.

There are a couple reasons why Dave remains unsuccessful. Primarily the fact that he’s too set in his ways and is stubborn.

I’ve already said Dave is a good guy, but every time I talk to him I get the feeling like he wants something from me. In fact a lot of our mutual friends have said the same thing to me about him.

We don’t like hanging out with Dave and neither do other single women.

Dave always gives off this vibe of having an ulterior motive. He talks to you like a friend, which is great, but he naturally gives off a vibe that says to me that he’s trying to take knowledge, power and fun from me.

The same thing happens to Dave when he’s talking to women. He treats them in a friendly manner and is funny but always gives off this vibe that on another level he has an underlying intention.

Having intentions with women isn’t a bad thing. If you express your intentions openly they’ll likely be acceptable of it, especially if you have tight game. It may even turn them on. IN FACT it will skyrocket your conversion rate if you do it the right way.

But if you hide your intentions you come off as creepy and weird. Women won’t trust you or feel safe being around you alone. You could be the best actor in the world but… trust me, THEY WILL KNOW.

Being creepy is the "Death" card in the Tarot deck of your love life. It will kill any chance of success you might have.

So now you know what might be going wrong. How do you fix it?

To begin with, you need to focus on being fun and unattached to the outcome whenever you can. It’s not about giving back money. It could be anything from telling a great story to a group or being a great host to a bunch of your friends.  It could also be a compliment (in the right way of course) or a tease that will spike emotions in way that is fun to a woman.

Be out there talking to women not only because you want to pickup, but because women are amazing and fun and interesting and wonderful.

Next you need to start doing is being clear about your intentions. This doesn’t mean directly telling a girl "The whole purpose of me talking to you is so that I can get into your pants."  That’s going to kill your pickup about as fast as being creepy.

There are small subtle changes you can make in your behavior that will affect how your intentions are perceived and if you’re congruent with what you’re saying.  There are so many small fixes that I could write a novel on them.

Do you want to read a novel about fixing your creepy vibe and then taking the months to implement it that it will require?

I didn’t think so.

I wouldn’t want to spend the months writing that novel either.

My mother and I have been having a discussion lately on clingy, needy men and my constant effort to make sure my boys don’t grow up to be that way. Even if it means teaching them to fake not being clingy until it becomes habit.

When I was a single parent on the dating scene, there were few things that would turn me off SO bad that I’d bail on the possibility of relationship and never look back – in fact there were many times I’d run, not walk toward the exit.

One friend would jokingly call me the “Queen of first dates” – I knew she meant it in a fun way, but at times it would really set me wondering if there might be something wrong with me – seriously wrong.

I was a complete commitaphobe and learned early on I have this enormous need to be left alone – a lot!

In fact, I’ve often joked with my husband by saying “how can I miss you if you don’t go away?”

I have a relative who can’t figure out why they can’t have a lasting relationship or why they’ve never been able to find someone to settle down with. Care to guess why?

Well, I’ve tried to tell them time and again – but they just don’t seem to listen. So, the relatives example makes it easy for me to point out to my kids, just what needy, clingy and smothering behavior is like.

A few months back I had one son that seemed to be falling into that category – a girl had broken up with him – he began sending her text messages wanting to know what he did that was so wrong, what could he do to win her back, what could he do to change — you get the point…

I wanted to SCREAM! And did actually.

What I did was have him stop texting immediate. Detox for a couple of days and when she began to text him again, I coached him through what to say. He followed my lead and was able to get over that girl and is now fighting the girls off with a stick.

All the girls are crazy over him because he learned confidence, he learned to not be clingy and needy and to make the girls miss him when he’s not around.

The September/October issue of Psychology Today is chock-full of incredible information on relationships. On page 45, an article by Jay Dixit examines how men & women remember and count their sexual partners.

Conventional wisdom tells us that men inflate their numbers, while women demur their digits — and according to this article, that’s true. But why? Are we both lying to look better, with men trying to project their stud status and women trying to protect their reputations — or their lovers’ feelings?

Norman Brown, a psychologist at the University of Alberta (who finds that American men report an an average of 18 while women report an average of just 5), says it’s not simply a matter of lying. “It has to do with self-presentation, estimation, and memory.”

Women are more likely to “just know,” or to have a tally somewhere, a method psychologists call “notches on the bedpost.” Women are also more likely to use enumeration (“Let’s see, Dave, Tarik, that guy from the gym…”), which produces underestimates, since people forget instances.

Men are more likely to use rough approximation (“Jeeze, I don’t know, like maybe 50?”) or rate-based estimates (“Let’s see, one a month for the past five years…”) — a method that produces overestimates.

But the gender discrepancy isn’t just a matter of poor counting either; the survey method itself matters.

Extremely sexually active women downgrade phone estimates compared to onine. (Men don’t.)

While the article doesn’t expound, I’m guessing vulnerability and anonymity are key here.

Another factor is undersampling prostitutes, who don’t get included in surveys due to “lifestyle issues” — they’re not in the phone book and they aren’t often home during dinner hours.

This is especially important, in my mind, because male clients are included in the surveys — and surely such professional interactions inflate their numbers. (Enlarge scan below to see evidence of this in male celebrities’ self-proclaimed numbers — which, by the way, does not include female celebrities. Arg!)

Surprisingly, men base their sexual partner count on the overheard comments of others — lowering their count to match conservative opinions, raising their count to match permissive sentiments. Women who overhear such conversations are unaffected.

I cannot but help to wonder if it this sheep mentality on the behalf of males which dictates a knee-jerk response to the “moral majority” — men clearly are more insecure and willing to submit to conservative cultural conformity (in word, in preaching; not in deed), and this must drive much of our current politics and societal conversation (including the control of women who aren’t affected by such espoused norms).

The article ends with more familiar territory; in which men are more likely to inflate their numbers when the researcher is female, even though the research shows that the more sex partners a man has had, the less attractive he seems.

Wouldn’t it just be simpler if men just resisted the urge to do or say anything to get laid? It doesn’t work anyway.

Want to know if your relationship is about to hit the skids?

Looking for tell-tale signs that your love will last through next week?

Well, look no further. Below you’ll find the “Unlucky 13″ -13 warning signs you’re about to get dumped.

We surveyed a variety of experts to find the most common warning signs a person is about to get dumped –including psychologists, body language experts, graphologists, private investigators and a divorce attorney. And here’s what we found:

1. Body Language

Where the body points, the heart follows. According to many body language experts, you should, “look at your sweetie’s body when you are out with other people; if the body is shifted toward you, great, no problems there! If they’re shifted away from you or toward someone else, your partner may be looking for the nearest escape hatch.

2. You know how a telemarketer feels.

Does your squeeze seem anxious to end phone conversations? A person who knows they’re going to end the relationship with you, but hasn’t done so yet will be itching to get off the phone with you. If they are talking to you, but not adding anything to the conversation its sign they are heading towards the finish line. They’re probably just pacing themselves while trying to figure out how to break it off without hurt feelings. As if that was a possibility.

3. Your squeeze is no longer interested in sex, or worse, they have a new bag of tricks.

A dramatic change in sexual behavior can mean two things:

a) Your squeeze wants to avoid any situation where they may have to express emotion or attachment to you, or

b) They are doin’ the nasty with someone else!

4. The future is not foretold.

I’m not talking about the way some dance around discussing relationships in general. I’m talking about a person who would rather have their eye teeth pulled than to have one of those “we have to talk” talks. When plans for three days from now or next week seems like too much of a commitment, it could be because that person is hoping to find the miracle answer to breaking up lightly before that time.

5. They say, “I need some space” or “I think we should see other people.”

People will usually do what they can to avoid hurting someone, so they resort to the same old cliché’s of breaking up. By telling you they want to see other people, they’re technically not breaking up with you but they have given them self a way out when the opportunity arises. And just as soon as there is a little distance in between that person will make a run for it.

6. Left Lying

I learned in High School Psychology that a person who looks up or to their left when they speak to you is most likely not being honest. The look left is an indication we’re using the creative side of the brain and a good indicator they’re making up a doozy of a tale just for your benefit.

7. The pat on the back.

A person who gives you a hug while patting you on the back is indicating that they are uneasy. According to body language experts the “hand pat” on the back indicates someone is uncomfortable with what they’re doing. The bigger the pat, the more uncomfortable they are.

Another important sign to consider is the amount of contact during a hug. Full frontal contact is good. The one-shoulder hug; or pulling away in other areas could be a sign the person is “distancing” in the relationship. If it’s a new relationship, the other person may not be quite ready for that level of physical contact. If it’s an established relationship, it could be a sign the person is inching away, or getting ready to break off the relationship.

8. Mirror mirror on the wall.

People mirror each other’s body language when they are in love with similar gestures, voice volume, etc. If you’re noticing the two of you are out of sync, you probably are.

That’s not all. According to body language experts, a person who is about to dump you will display a lack of open “windows” towards you. “Windows” being his heart, eyes, neck and palms. If your man turns his heart (the center of his chest) away from you as you are talking to each other, it’s a big sign he’s not interested.

9. You see the writing on the wall.

According to handwriting experts, a person who is distancing themselves in a relationship will show clues in their handwriting. When writing the word “love” she may begin to drop down the letter “e.” Another sign to watch for is if your partner diminishes the size of your name (sign of your importance to her.)

10. Can you believe your fighting over THAT?

If your partner is picking silly fights, or there’s an unexplained increase in emotional distance, you’re probably not going to like what’s coming your way. A person who picks downright silly arguments is trying their darndest to get you do to the breaking up. Thus making them feel the better person for having not been the heartbreaker.

11. Timing is everything.

Timing is one of the most visible non verbal communications a person has. If your partner keeps you waiting, it’s probably a pretty good sign their interest in you is drifting and tardiness is one of the most prominent signs of disrespect.

This theory holds true for dates too. If your partner starts making date plans with you at the very last minute, it’s likely they’ve lost interest and is showing you that you’re not forefront in their thoughts. They aren’t even thinking about a date with you until they realize something better hasn’t come along in the meantime. You then become Back-Up Girl or Back-Up Boy! About as close as you’ll get to being a superhero to that person!

12. Pagers, cell phones and email O My

Most every check a mate type site I’ve read tells that a pager or cell phone purchase is a sign of impending heartbreak. It could be a sign of new and forming relationships as well. Sure, it could be for work, but think about their job. Would a pager or cell phone make sense in their job? Does your partner check their email more often these days? Hmmm makes you wonder huh? Most generally, it’s time to real that heart in off your sleeve and just find the nearest exit before they do.

13. He used to be a three-blue-shirts-and-four-pair-of-Chinos kind of guy, and suddenly he’s obsessed with Armani.

According to Attorney Mel Frumkes, a person who is about to leave (or is cheating) will take greater care with his appearance – updating his wardrobe, losing weight, working out and even changing cologne. If your sweetie looks like he just finished taping an episode of “A Makeover Story” – Those Chinos might not be the only dud he’s looking to lose.

Want to know when you’re most likely to get the axe? Most experts agree it’s somewhere in the neighborhood of the first 3-5 months. So, stock up on tissues and Ben & Jerry’s if you’re heading into the danger zone.

Only time (and his shoes) will tell.

How often have you reflected on that comment when your eyes begin to roam in public or when browsing the constant temptations being thrust in your face on the internet? You’re minding your own business, browsing for the best deals on ebay or searching for a new tool to add to your collection when suddenly an ad pops up in your face inviting you to play with this “hot single” that’s waiting just for you!

Before you know it you are thinking, it won’t hurt to just take a look and see how the other side lives. One click leads to another and another and suddenly you sucked right into a world of fantasy that flatters you, makes you feel desirable and a smile creeps across your face, click, click, click.

Now you find yourself trying to justify your actions to overpower that sense of guilt by claiming, “it’s the internet, it’s not real.” But honestly, how real is it?

For as long as there have been marriages there have been the beliefs that singles have more fun all while singles seem to be on a constant search to find their place within a comfortable compatible relationship. It’s a never-ending process.

Don’t be fooled! Although it may seem your single friends are having more fun, I can tell you from the single woman’s perspective, it’s more challenging than any job or career I have ever had.

Having been a single mother, dating became more challenging than my chosen career. Every relationship, when fresh and new gives you the sense of bliss, but when the newness wears off, you’d better have more to go on than laughter and lust.

Although I strongly urge anyone who is in an abusive relationship to find the courage to leave, I, on the other hand encourage anyone seeking a little more excitement to look within themselves and their own relationship and do what you can to create that excitement and passion at home. Leaving a spouse or partner because the relationship has grown boring can only lead to more heartache, more work and more confusion than you ever imagined. Remember it does take two to create passion!

The stresses of a single parent, regardless of whether it is the mother or the father can be overwhelming at best. Anyone you choose to date will have to fit into the lives of more than just you! You date the person to see if you get along and if it’s worth taking to the next step. Then you introduce them to your children, your family, and your friends. How do they measure up? One little glitch in the system and you are back to square one, having invested weeks or months into a person that just didn’t fit.

The countless nights of sleeping alone, the burden’s of carrying the complete financial load, the many nights of eating alone or curling up on the couch with the closest thing to sensual is a lick on the cheek from your faithful companion, your dog.

There will be no one there to help offset the load when a child gets sick, there won’t be anyone there to help you when you get sick, there won’t be anyone there to help erase the fear when you hear a thump in the dark. There won’t be anyone there until the weekend.

There have been countless times I have set back and watched as single friends will tell tales of their singleness as the married friends would look and listen with a certain envying gleam in their eye. You can almost see them get lost in a zone of fantasy wishing they could experience the fun their friends speak of.

Most times you can chalk this up to the fact that misery loves company and the single friend is tired of being single alone. They need to recruit new blood into their single army for their weekend excursions to the single bars, concerts and dinners out where they can finally request a table for more than one.

Married people will often give into these tales of single excitement and the next thing you know, they are single and before long their friend is suddenly dating someone new and that person who once had a comfortable stable but boring marriage is now setting home alone. It’s a vicious cycle that is affecting so many marriages and wrecking havoc on many homes and families.

The online dating scene is a clear testimony that being single isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. There are so many lonely hearts reaching out seeking someone to fill that void in their lives. You can also find in that single scene, many married folks looking for a one-night fling to spice up their lives, or simply trying to find proof that they are still desirable to the opposite sex. Be very cautious of the waters you jump into.

Having been on the single scene, I was suckered by not one but three married men online. All of which I truly believed were far to good of a person to ever lie to me. I felt like the worlds most horrible person when out of the clear blue, a “wife” contacted me. In each case, the wives believed their husbands stories and that I was a home wrecker. They were convinced that I had known all along their husband was married. When in reality I didn’t have a clue!

For the life of me I could not understand how these men could toy with my heart, get me to fall for them when they could not give themselves to me, as they wanted me to give myself to them. But most of all I could not understand how they could so easily wonder outside their marriage and in such selfish acts take advantage of and inflict so much pain on so many people.

For those who are looking for a little excitement in your life, I urge you to look at your partner. Talk to them and do everything you can to find that passion that originally brought you together. If you need a little tutoring, look at the many books that are listed on Amazon, talk to other married folks, not singles who may have an ulterior motive in the destruction of your relationship.

Although the grass may appear greener on the other side, grass always dies when it gets to cold or when seasons change. At the same time in the spring grass comes back to life and can often appear even more beautiful than before especially after a long harsh winter.

Cougar relationships may be hot in Hollywood with Courteney Cox and ABC’s "Cougar Town" but in the real world, very few women are married to men who are significantly younger. An estimated 1% of all marriages in 2008 were between a woman who was 10-14 years older than her husband; 2.6% 6 to 9 years older, according to Census figures. Matchmaking services such as Cougar Mingle have seen an increase in the past six months of women requesting younger men but she has not seen a change in age preference from her male clients.

Just goes to show that women get the short end of the stick no matter what age they are.

If you are in the market for a Cougar style relationship – we recommend Cougar Mingle

Source: Associated Press

Does your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend spend way too much time on the computer?  If they do and if you do not know what they are doing, you may be wondering if your significant other is having an online relationship.  Unfortunately, online relationships are often viewed differently, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be considered cheating.

When it comes to relationships that develop online, there are typically two sides to the story.  The first side is that of the cheater or the individual carrying on the affair.  If you ever catch your significant other having an online relationship, they may claim that it isn’t really cheating.  This is because sometimes a physical meeting never takes place.  So, essentially, your partner has never kissed or had physical sex with the person at the other end of the computer.

The second side of the story, where online relationships are concerned, is the side of the husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend who catches their partner acting inappropriately online.  For starters, it is important to know that many individuals nowadays don’t just talk online.  There are social networking websites, dating websites, and other similar websites that make it easier for internet users to meet up with each other.  Just because you are told that a physical meeting did not occur, it does not mean that you are getting the truth.  In fact, a meeting may have been planned right around the corner.

In keeping with viewing emotional affairs from the viewpoint of those who are being “cheated,” on, it is important to examine the harm caused.  Phone sex is a popular activity for couples in long distance relationships.  This may be occurring or it may be done online.  Despite the fact that physical contact has still not been made, inappropriate actions are still being performed.  Plus, even if sexy or seductive emails are the only thing exchanged, it can still hurt.  For many men and women, emotional affairs can be just as painful and as heart breaking.

So, do you suspect that your husband, wife, boyfriend, or girlfriend is having an inappropriate relationship online.  If you do, there are a number of steps that you can take to get answers.  For starters, try to enter the computer room.  If it is locked, there is a good sign that something inappropriate is going on.  Next, when you enter the room, place all of your focus on the computer screen.  Does your partner quickly change what is appearing on the screen?  Next, approach them, as if you intend to give them a hug or a kiss.  Towards the bottom of the screen should be a task bar.  This bar will give you information on programs that are open, including pornographic websites, video players, and so forth.

If you suspect that your partner is having inappropriate relationships online, it is a good idea to first think about your actions.  Unfortunately, many men and women are so surprised when they do catch what is happening that they don’t know how to act.  Be prepared.  Do you want to limit computer use, get rid of the computer altogether, take a break, or completely cut ties?  There are a number of benefits to having a set plan in place before you confront your cheating spouse.

Remember that online relationships can often develop into more than just a few flirty emails here and there.

Just because times are tough and you want to make an effort at remaining ‘budget conscious’ – that doesn’t mean you have to look or act like a cheapskate on a date.

Match Special has a wonderful list of ideas on how you can maintain an active dating life and not put a strain on your wallet.

The one I’ve always liked most is going Dutch!  To be honest, I always felt guilty having the guy pay for everything and most of all, I never wanted to feel I owed him anything following the date.

Dutch is the best way to go as far as I’m concerned.

What about dating during lunch and happy hour instead of going out during the most expensive times of day?

Go out to eat early in the day and then make it a home date complete with movie rental and popcorn.

For more ideas on dating on a budget, check out Match Special’s Guide to Dating on a Budget

Date1411 supports the efforts of the following Herpes Dating Sites whose primary objective is to offer choices to those living with Herpes or HPV. Though we encourage everyone living with the virus to avoid self imposed limitations to only those living with the virus, we realize there is an added security in knowing you don’t have to face having “The Talk.”

Yahoo! Personals One of the Largest Public Dating Sites on the web. If you have herpes simply place the code *437737* in your ad or search the code to find others with Herpes. You don’t have to be limited Place a free profile or browse for free!

Special Promotion: Sign up for Yahoo! Personals 7 Day Free Trial(link)

If you feel you’d rather date only in the STD Community, that’s up to you!  But if you are, one site we recommend is

Single-Again.net – the largest STD-single dating site! (link)

We’ve experienced the efforts first-hand and can say either way you go here, you’ll find plenty of socializing.

If you’re looking for a site that has more of a MySpace feel – check out www.hwerks.com – it’s a great place to hang out – meet people and possibly make a love connection. You’ll also be kept informed of upcoming social events and various support groups around the globe.